We INDIAN

~~~

Bengali

One Bengali = poet.

Two engalis = a film society.

Three Bengalis = political party.

Four Bengalis = two political parties.

More than four Bengali's = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Team.

******

Bihari

One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.

Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.

Three Biharis = caste killing.

Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna.

******

Mallu

One Mallu = coconut stall.

Two Mallus = a boat race.

Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.

Four Mallus = oil slick.

******

UP Bhaiyya

One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.

Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.

Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.

Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.

******

Gujju

One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombaytrain.

Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombaytrain.

Three Gujjus = Bombay's noisiest restaurant.

Four Gujjus = stock market scam.

******

Andhraite

One Andhraite = chili farmer.

Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey.

Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.

Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.

******

Kashmiri

One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.

Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.

Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.

Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.

******

Tamil-Brahmin

One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.

Two Tam-Brahms = Maths tuition class.

Three Tam-Brahms = Queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.

Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara.

******

Mumbaikar

One Mumbaikar = footpath vada-pav stall.

Two Mumbaikars = film studio.

Three Mumbaikars = slum.

Four Mumbaikars = The number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.

******

Sindhi

One Sindhi = currency racket.

Two Sindhis = papad factory.

Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar.

Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.

******

Marwari

One Marwari = The neighbourhood foodstuff adulterator.

Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta.

Three Marwaris = Finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.

Four Marwaris = Threaten the Jews as a community.

******

Haryanvi

One Haryanavi = tube light

Two Haryanavi = agriculture

Three Haryannavi= Lathi squad

Four Haryanavi = actually just one was enough

~~~

10 REASONS--- Y INDIANS CANNOT BE TERRORIST

Enjoy !
regs, Vishal 

 

10 REASONS--- Y INDIANS CANNOT BE TERRORIST

 

 

 

1. We are always late we would have missed the flight.

 

2. Pretty girls on the plane would distract us!

 

3. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.

 

4. With food and drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're there.

 

5. We talk with our hands, therefore we would have to put our weapons down.

 

6. We would ALL want to fly the plane.

 

7. We would argue and start a fight in the plane.

 

8. We can't keep a secret, we would have told everyone a week before doing it.

 

9. We would have put our country's flag on the windshield.

 

10. We would all have fallen over each other to be in the photograph being taken by one of the hostages.

Shaadi Ki Daastaan

~~~ fwded message ~~~  Shaadi Ki Daastaan Abhi Shaadi Ka Pehla Hi Saal Tha, Khushi Ke Maare Mera Bura Haal Tha, Khushiyaan Kuch Yoon Umad Rahin Thi,  Ki Sambhale Nahi Sambhal Rahi Thi, Subah Subah Madam Ka Chai Le Kar Aana,  Thoda Sharmate Hue Hume Need Se Jagana, Wo Pyaar Bhara Hath Humare Ballon Main Phirana,  Muskurate Hue Kehna Ki Darling Chai To Pi Lo,  Jaldi Se Ready Ho Jao, Aap Ko Office Bhi Hai Jana. Gharwali Bhagwan Ka Roop Le Kar Aayi Thi,  Dil Or Dimag Par Poori Tarah Chai Thi, Saans Bhi Lete Thy To Naam Usi Ka Hota Tha, Ek Pal Bhi Door Jeena Dushwar Hota Tha. *...5 Saal Baad...* Subah Subah Madam Ka Chai Le Kar Aana,  Table Par Rakh Kar Jor Se Chilana, Aaj Office Jao To Munna Ko School Chodte Hue Jana... Ek Baar Phir Wohi Awaaj Ayi, Kya Baat Hai Abhi Tak Chhodi Nahi Charpai, Agar Munna Late Ho Gaya To Dekh Lena,  Munna Ki Teachers Ko Phir Khud Hi Sambhaal Lena. Na Jane Gharwali Kaisa Roop Le Kar Aayi Thi,  Dil Aur Dimaag Par Kali Ghata Chai Thi, Sans Bhi Lete Hai To Uni Ka Khayal Hota Hai, Har Samay Jehan Main Ek Hi Sawal Hota Hai,  Kya Kabhi Wo Din Laut Ke Ayenge, Hum Ek Bar Phir Kuwaaren Ban Payenge...??????   Is Liye Mere Yaaro Is Kuwaaren Ki Baat Mano   Jisne Shadi Ki Uska Har Din Zamela Hai Jo Kuwara Bach Jaye Uska Har Din Mela Hai Shadi Karna Vaise To Dukhi Logo Ka Kaam Hai Kuwaaron Ko To Aajkal Har Din Aaram Hai Kahi Holi To Kahi Diwali Ka Jaam Hai... Regs,

Different versions of Taare Zammen Par...!

Enjoy…

Regs, vishal

If Karan Johar made Taare

*
Obvious starcast:
o
Shah Rukh Khan as the arts teacher (duh duh duh!!).
o
Aryan Khan as the dyslexic child (even if he could not act for nuts).
o
Rani Mukerjee as the kid's mom (assuming Kajol is unavailable) .
o
Abhishek Bachchan as the kid's dad.
o
Amitabh Bachchan as the school principal (who cares if the role is ultra minute, he can afford it).
o
It would be shot in New York to appeal to the NRI audience.
o
The story line would obviously be different. SRK would fall for the dyslexic kid's mom. The last scene would have the mom running to the teacher rather than the kid. And again, like in so many other movies, SRK would get someone else's girl.
o
It would have one dance number.
o
The film would be titled ' Kuch Taare Zameen Par .'




If Sanjay Leela Bhansali made Taare

*
Obvious starcast:
o
Salman as the teacher.
o
Rani as the mother.
o
Of course the whole film would be shot on elaborate sets. The school would be nothing short of Harvard university.
o
An orchestra would play every time anyone cried.
o
Slow motion, different camera angles for every scene.
o
The school uniforms would match the classroom walls even though that does not make a f***ing difference.
o
The film would cost 60 crores.




If Farah Khan made Taare

*
Obvious starcast:
o
SRK as the teacher (yawn).
o
In the original Taare, Aamir makes an entry at the interval point. In Farah's version, SRK would be on screen on for 2.30 hrs out of the 2.45 hrs and would be introduced in the first scene itself.
o
The story would be changed to make sure the above happened. The focus of the film would be a teacher who helps a kid fight dyslexia.
o
To make it a complete entertainer, there would be a romantic angle, comedy, and action thrown in. Oh idea!! Nikumbh's character likes another teacher and the kiddo helps him.. throw in some comedy moments there and you have romance and comedy settled. For action.. hmm.. lemme see.. oh yah, the kid gets kidnapped and the teacher fights the baddies to save him. Wow!! I'm quite an imaginative writer. I can see how Farah can write a film from scratch in two weeks straight.
o
The film posters would have a big SRK with the tiny image of the kid in the background.




If Rakesh Roshan made Taare

*
Obvious starcast:
o
Hrithik Roshan as the teacher.
o
Since Rakesh Roshan cannot think beyond science fiction these days, this film would have that too. Instead of dyslexia, the kid would have alienositis or something, a condition induced due to him witnessing an alien abduction.
o
Instead of Nikumbh being an arts teacher, he would be a physics teacher, and instead of asking kids to be creative, he would ask them to challenge the science we know.
o
In the scene where Nikumbh asks the kids to open their minds and make whatever they want outdoors, the kid Ishaan, instead of making a boat, would end up making a working spaceship prototype.
o
Nikumbh would cure the kids problem by making a full fledged version of the kid's prototype, traveling to the alien planet, and asking them to give the kid his powers back.
o
The film would have mus ic by Rajesh Roshan ripped off from some world music.
o
The film's name would again start with a K.. probably ' Kuch Aliens Taaron se Zameen Par' .
o
The director would make sure Hrithik gets to show all his abilities. This would mean a scene with Roshan jr flexing his muscles, and a dance competition in the end, instead of an arts competition.




If Priyadarshan made Taare:

*
Obvious starcast:
o
Akshay Kumar as the teacher.
o
Paresh Rawal as the kid's dad.
o
It would be a brainless comedy. The kid's dyslexia would be made fun of. Half the times the parents will be running after the kid from one room to the other and that, in the director's opinion, would be funny.
o
The film will be full of sex jokes. So for example, when Akshay would come to the parents telling them that their son has dyslexia, the ignorant father would say something inappropriate like 'iss umar mein? par kaise, woh to hamesha boys school mein padha hai!'. And yes, the director would think it is funny.
o
In the climax of the film all the characters in the film would run around in the amphitheater for no reason, spilling colors on each other. That's where the film will end, without any logical conclusion.
o
And of course, Paresh Rawal would emote like an epileptic himself making us question the boy's mental abilities anyway.

Gudi Padwa - h

Wish you happy Gudi Padwa

 

 

Regs, Vishal

 

 

 

rajwadi laptop

Rajwadi Laptop

Aamir Khan newest look

Aamir Khan is known to experiment, especially in his various endorsements. After pulling off several successful looks in the Coke ads, Aamir tries on a new look in the latest Tata Sky ad. He plays an old Sardar, and looks almost unrecognisable. Regs, Vishal